E11: Motherhood Lately - Prayers, Reflections, and Growth

Just when I thought I had the parenting gig figured out, life decided to serve me a hefty slice of humble pie. Tune in as I take you on a journey from my best friend's tragic loss to the chaos of traveling with a baby, breathing life into the old saying that reality is stranger than fiction. We share joyous moments and heartbreaking losses, talk about how life often catches us off-guard and leaves us grappling with unforeseen challenges.

I must admit that motherhood is no walk in the park. While it has its share of postcard moments, it also serves up a steaming plate of unexpected surprises. Life gets more complicated with each child you add to the mix. But it's not all gloom and doom. Amidst the sleepless nights and constant juggling, I've found moments of pure joy that make it all worthwhile. Fall in love with the messiness of life as we navigate the intricacies of balancing personal time, keeping a semblance of order in the house, and cherishing the small victories of motherhood. Join me for an episode filled with laughter, reflection, candid moments, and some priceless tips on traveling with babies!

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hello listeners and welcome to the Genema Podcast, where we talk about all things pregnancy, postpartum, motherhood, tips and tricks and more from a Senegalese American perspective. I'm your host, isatou Ghisay, and if you are a long time listener of mine, you may be wondering where I have been. I've spent a couple of weeks since I released an episode, so I'm back today to talk about why I took that break and just give you an update on motherhood lately. This is going to be a very update driven, just kind of what's been going on lately episode, no real agenda. I'm just going to talk freely about things that I have been experiencing with motherhood lately and then we can get back into the regular rhythm of things going forward. But this is a special episode because I need to tell you guys why I took a break.

Speaker 1: 1:00

I want to take this time to send my condolences to my best friend, hadifah, and her family. She lost her brother and her cousin at a time that was supposed to be joyous and full of celebration, where she's celebrating and getting married, but it turned into a tragedy and that's what we've been dealing with for the last couple of weeks. So I just want to take the time to send my condolences and just do some reflecting on how sometimes we plan things, we want things, we operate as if things are going to happen with surrogate, but God has other plans and that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. We just accept his plans for what they are, support each other throughout the process. But that's been a really hard reality to face and I can only imagine how hard it must be for her and her family. So I'd like all of my listeners to send their dua, send their prayers, to my best friend and her family during these difficult times. I think it was necessary to take a beat, take a pause when that happened and just really remember why we're here, how we can be there for one another, how we can be compassionate and extend a helping hand, extend more grace when we are dealing with others, because you never really know what folks are going through and so I definitely wanted to take the time during this episode, coming back after a couple of weeks, to recognize and acknowledge what we have been going through and send my condolences, but especially send the prayers and the duas for her and her family to get through these hard times, when I was sitting down to think about what to talk about for this episode.

Speaker 1: 3:01

I haven't mustered up enough energy, to be honest, to draft an episode script and do all the research, because I've been so exhausted lately physically and mentally. I have a ton of episode topics that I have written out for each episode. I like to back it up with some research or talk to folks to understand what exactly it is that I'm talking about, versus just freely speaking on topics without really knowing. But for this episode I decided to make it more lighthearted in the sense that I'm not going off of a strict script. I'm just going to talk to you guys about motherhood lately, things that I have encountered with my baby, things I've talked about with other moms pretty thematic throughout the episodes, but specifically for this one, just keeping it just very lighthearted because of how heavy situations have been around us lately. So I will ask for your patience as we get through that and hopefully you guys enjoy this episode.

Speaker 1: 4:13

So lately, one thing I have been dealing with when it comes to motherhood is traveling with a baby, and I'm going to tell you guys a little story because when my baby was three months old, we went to Senegal, west Africa, for her to meet her grandparents and other family members and I was super nervous about traveling with a baby. I did so much research. I called the airline a thousand times to find out what was allowed, what wasn't allowed. At the time I was pumping breast milk, so thinking about storage and how to navigate TSA and all these things. I was so on 10 when it comes to traveling with an infant at the time and all the preparation I did, I have to say it probably did work. But it led me to one conclusion when it comes to traveling with the baby, and that is that it's unpredictable. I did so much prep work and I had all types of games and toys and snacks just things ready for my baby to engage with throughout our travel, and she slept the entire time. I mean, with the exception of waking up to breastfeed, she literally slept the entire time, to the point where I was like peeking to see if she was still breathing. It was crazy. So I was like, wow, that was way easier than I expected it to be. And then we had another experience where we traveled to Cincinnati with her and she also slept the entire time. So we kind of got to this comfortable position of saying, oh, our baby sleeps when we travel. So this is easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

Speaker 1: 5:57

But lo and behold, the unpredictableness definitely reared its ugly head because recently we had a four hour flight and I got on the plane, you know, with everyone like, oh my god, your baby's so cute. So I was like I'm ready to be mom of the year, have the best baby. This is gonna be great. She cried the entire four hours. I was so embarrassed. I didn't know how to navigate that situation because I was so used to her being a good flyer. Like people would exit the aircraft and be like oh I didn't hear you one time. You're such a good traveler. And I was so proud and beating my chest and thinking that I had done wonderful things.

Speaker 1: 6:41

But this one particular trip she literally was fussy the entire time. She wanted to be held, she wanted to be walked around the aircraft, she wanted to play, she wanted to grab everything that was in eyesight or in view. I mean it was a traumatic experience. I walked away from that thinking I don't want to have any more kids. This has been enough. But this is all to tell you guys about how traveling with the baby is unpredictable. How they did last time is not always a good indicator of how they will do the next time.

Speaker 1: 7:16

And sometimes I felt guilty but I have to say I did feel a little embarrassed and I don't know if that's the right feeling to have, but that's the feeling that I did have because I felt Just really sad the entire flight. I felt frustrated that I couldn't comfort her enough to calm down. And then I felt guilty for the others that were around me that had to hear that. And then it made me think about all the times that I traveled and I was annoyed with the baby that was crying on board and I was trying to Sleep and the baby was making all this noise and it really kind of refocused my view of Motherhood and traveling with the child.

Speaker 1: 7:57

In the past I never really paid attention to when I see a mom with the baby. Now I'm always keeping an eye out for that because I know that mom is probably Struggling, I know she's probably having a hard time dealing with the baby and any equipment that she may be carrying, such as a Stroller or a car seat or snacks and a backpack and her purse and her carry on like there's just so much that I never really Understood before that I probably took for granted. I for sure took for granted, and it's not until now that I am traveling with the child of my own that I realized how much goes into it and how much is outside of your control. You can pack all the toys you want, all the snacks, you want all the entertainment that you want, but when it comes down to it, your baby is gonna decide how they want to act during that travel or during that trip, and you have to just adapt to it. So I wanted to Talk about that because I felt really, really guilty. I walked away from that flight feeling angry with myself, frustrated with her and not really knowing how to Like get beyond that. And it was really I don't know. It was a guilt-ridden experience because I Kept having to tell myself it's okay, she's just a baby like you can't really control her, so everyone around you should be able to understand. But every time she screamed at the top of her lungs, I couldn't help but just like sink further into my seat and Wonder, like, why is she being like this? So it's something to consider.

Speaker 1: 9:33

I'll do an episode specifically on traveling with the baby, because there's a lot that goes into it and there's also some Benefits and privileges that you get when you're traveling with the baby the airlines will award you. So I think it marriage its own episode, but definitely something that I wanted to talk about in this episode, because since the last episode I released and this time I think we've traveled two or three times, and so it's been like something that I've been experiencing again and again, and If there's one tip that I have, it's to make friends with the flight team. They'll often give you special treatment. I know my baby, as crazy as she was, in last travel that we had, you know the flight attendant team was like if you need me to hold her, just let me know. Or they asked me specifically like if you need anything, just please let me know. They gave me free snacks and free goodies Just to help alleviate the experience, and so I appreciated that aspect of it.

Speaker 1: 10:32

I think folks recognize that it's not easy and Then, after the flight is done and people are deep-planning, you're like, hey, sorry for the noise, and they're like, no, you did a great job, don't worry. So I think that helped a little bit, but I would love to know what other moms experiences have been out there that have had to travel with the baby and had to deal with either a really good flyer or a bad flyer, quote-unquote and how you navigate that frustration when your baby is just not doing what you want them to do. So that's the tip on the mom side, or the parent side. The other Suggestion, or a consideration that I'll put out there for my listeners and this is something I did not do before because I was it had a blind spot for it I didn't. I wasn't a mom, so I didn't think about how hard it would be to travel with the mom. So I'm just putting it out there for anyone.

Speaker 1: 11:24

When you're traveling, if your time allows for it, if your patience allows for it, help that mom that you see struggling with a stroller. I can't tell you I was traveling with her by myself once, and I can't tell you how many people offered to Break down my stroller for me or put it back together when I Deplane the aircraft or, you know, hold my carry on, and so it was nice to see that folks Were willing to go out of their way to try to help you and make the trip a little bit better, and that's something I'm going to be making a concerted effort on going forward to help other moms. So if I see someone struggling, if I see someone who looks like they could use an extra hand, if it's not gonna cost me that flight or you know, I'm not going completely out of my way, it was just nice to have that experience and so I put that out there for anyone who's listening. If you're traveling and you see a mom struggling with her stroller or a toddler or anything, just if there's anything you can do to help, I promise it might make their day. So maybe extend that helping hand a little bit, because I know I'm gonna be keeping an eye out for that, going forward myself. So that was a lot of talk about recent travel experiences.

Speaker 1: 12:46

I'm gonna shift gears now a little bit to talk about things that have been going on, just Development and growth wise with my baby and with motherhood. For me I'm getting to that eight point Excuse me that eight month point with motherhood. My baby is eight months today actually, so happy Monthly birthday to her. I think it's finally settling in that this is what life is like. The first couple of months are so chaotic and hectic and new that you're not really taking the time to compare it to your old life. But I think now that you know I've had a baby for eight months, we're getting close to the one-year mark, you're forgetting what life was kind of like before baby like vaguely, it's like a vague memory, and now you're settling into this is what Life is like, going forward, the reality of motherhood, parenthood, is sinking in and you come to the realization that it's not gonna get easier, it's not gonna get Less hectic. This is just what it is. This is the new reality, especially if you want to have more kids. You realize you're just compounding everything that you're going through going forward, and so I think that it's a nice reflection point to talk about Kind of with your partner especially how have things been going? Is there additional support that you need? Is there anything that you need to change with your daily routine, your schedule?

Speaker 1: 14:21

I know for me I have been heavily, heavily Contemplating and researching and looking up, like someone to clean my house. I feel like my house is never clean anymore, like there's always something when it shouldn't be, and that's because she's growing up now. She needs toys to entertain her. Now we have to barricade the house because she's crawling and moving around and so it's really hard to get that pristine look for your house that you've always, you know, maintained before. And it can be a lot when you start really like Like, imagine a movie where, like, things slow down for a second and you do like a 360 view and you realize, wow, this is my new reality and there's not much I can do about it. I have this baby that's not going anywhere Inshallah, god, you know, protect them. And so I just have to find new ways of navigating this, this new reality that I have.

Speaker 1: 15:18

And so it's a lot, and I know this episode may feel like I'm rambling, but that's how life has felt. That's how life has felt lately. It's felt like one big run-on sentence, it's felt like one big activity that I'm just going through, and I haven't had as much time to be able to segment my days and Just pause and breathe and have me time. And so motherhood lately has been hectic. My baby is moving around more, she's teething, so she's not having fevers, thankfully, but she's very much just active all over the place. Yeah, it's been a lot. It's been a lot, lot, lot going on.

Speaker 1: 16:06

Okay, so now I'm gonna tell you guys a couple of, like, more lighthearted stories, and that will round off the episode because it's hard to find enough time to even record these things. So, again, more coordination around when to do this and when to do that. And you know we thank God because we we always End up coming out, you know, through the other end of the tunnel, but nonetheless it's a challenge. But I want to tell you guys about a couple of things. So my baby has said mama. Now it wasn't mama Point or mama period, where it's like that's the only thing she said. She's starting to babble and she just like gets into these little like rhythms where she's like mama, mama or Ba, ba, ba, ba ba. So here is a theory in my house going on right now she has said mama first because, as of today, as of this recording, she has not said da, da, she has said ba ba. So, depending on what language you want to interpret that, as she could have possibly said dad, but we know for sure she has said mama. And so that's a competition my husband and I had, because she is a daddy's girl, supposedly, but she loves me, and so she said mama first and I'm so, so excited about that, all the moments I talked about before, with the frustration and how motherhood can be hard.

Speaker 1: 17:34

Sometimes, I'm telling you, moments like this just alleviated. You literally forget any bad or negative feeling you had in the past because your baby will look at you and do something so stinking cute and so adorable that you just melt. And they have that capacity. They have the ability to really bring you back to reality and Help you recenter and refocus on what really matters. Because, as much as we can sit on the episode and talk about how motherhood is hard, it's so rewarding, it's such an amazing experience and so I'm happy that that happened. I used it as bragging rights with my husband now to say that she clearly loves me and that I'm her best friend, and we're gonna have matching Outfits and go get our nails done together, all of these things, and I'm just relishing in it because I know, you know she'll probably grow up and become a daddy's girl, but for now she's a mama's girl and I'm happy with that.

Speaker 1: 18:33

Another story that I want to tell you guys about is our ride-share experience when we traveled recently. So traveling with a baby, like I mentioned, it's not easy, especially when you're taking ubers. So you basically have to take your car seat in your car seat base with you and when you order a lift or an uber, you have to install it in the car before you go. And so let me tell you guys a story of when we called an uber and we had our car seat, we had our stroller and all we had to do was break the stroller, put it in the back, install the car seat, which takes like one minute and then we go. So we call an uber, he shows up and he's on the other side of the street. So already that was kind of annoying. It's like, oh, we have to go to the other side. If he was anyone that was compassionate, he would kind of just come to the other side because he sees that we're a little struggling family. But no, he stays on the other side of the street. So we start going to the crosswalk to go over to his side and let me tell you guys, this uber driver looks at us and and confirms that it's us. Like we literally like wave to him and he looked at us and then he just canceled the ride and drove away.

Speaker 1: 19:45

It was the most disrespectful feeling I've ever had in my entire life, because you have this child, you're like I just want to get out of here and this person just completely cancels the ride share on you, probably because of the car seat. You know I get it and if there's any car seat Sorry, if there's any ride share drivers out there that has perspective on this, for free to let me know. You know, get on my DMs and Instagram and let me know, but I find it hard to come up with a good, rational excuse for why someone would do that. It was evening time, so we were just ready to go home after dinner and this happened and it was so triggering because I couldn't Pinpoint why someone would do that. It was. It just felt such like such a rude experience. So that happened to us, didn't enjoy it, didn't appreciate it and Definitely left a bad review for that driver.

Speaker 1: 20:43

Okay, this next thing that I have to tell you guys about it is the fact that I have a punk baby. So punk in Wolof, if I translated to English, it means like just a feisty baby. My baby is so feisty I don't know where she gets it from and I better not have anybody come in my DMs and tells me it's from me, because it's not. I am very, very soft-spoken, I'm very Yaru, but I have a punk baby you guys is. She is so feisty, she's so energetic, she has an attitude. I don't know where it comes from, but I just literally see her go at it Like she's ready to take life by the reins and it makes me sit back and wonder what kind of Teenager, what kind of toddler, what kind of adult she's gonna be.

Speaker 1: 21:30

And I know, you know, we talk about motherhood and the Senegalese American perspective, and sometimes it can feel like it's supposed to be a monolith, that we all Act the same or we all follow the same path. But I think now, being a parent, I'm realizing Not just being a parent now, but like it kind of solidifies the idea that we're all so different, you know, and sometimes it's hard to wonder how our parents can have the same expectations of three very different kids. So it makes me sit back and wonder okay, she's like this, if I have another one, how are they going to be? And if they aren't very, very different, then it's rational and logical for me to Expect them to have different reactions to the same scenarios. And so that's just something that I've been pondering on lately. Like, wow, she is very feisty, she's very opinionated, she's very independent, even though she's a baby. So I wonder how that's gonna translate into her teenage years, into her adult years. And I'm just praying, praying, praying, praying that she's not a difficult child Quote-unquote, however, you define difficult to be, but it's definitely interesting to see them have this personality even at such a young age and then have to ponder how that's gonna translate into adulthood.

Speaker 1: 22:48

Again, a lot of me rambling, because that's what this episode is. It's like it just beats me, thinking about all of these different things and trying to make sense of it. But definitely I have a punk baby y'all. So if anybody would like to babysit, kindly let me know. I'm happy to drop her off for a couple of hours so I can get to me time. And Then, finally, I want to leave you with just one final tip, circling back to traveling with the baby, and that is if you are Taking your stroller with you or any baby items, you're happy to gate check it, or you can check it at the Front desk before you go through security.

Speaker 1: 23:33

And so if it's a stroller and you're going International and you don't want to have to take that stroller with you, they'll allow you to check it with an agent. But what I will say is the biggest time saver. The biggest hack that we had when it comes to traveling is to gate check our stroller. So we're able to roll the stroller around through the airport, which means we can have our hands more free than if we were to hold the baby. And once we get to the gate, we can gate check the stroller and then, once we deplane, we just grab the stroller, plop the baby back in there and be on our way, and this is really really helpful, especially for an airport like Hartzfield Jackson, which is the busiest airport in the world. There's a lot going on.

Speaker 1: 24:19

There's some hacks when it comes to traveling with babies, as I mentioned. I'll talk about it in the traveling with the baby episode that I'll record in the future but this is really really helpful and the reason really really that I like it is because if you have a stroller, especially if it's a big airport, they'll almost always allow you to skip to the front of the line. So with Hartzfield Jackson, they actually have a lane for strollers, so you go there and it leads you to the same lane as everyone else or for like TSA, but you skip to the to the front of the line and so you're automatically able to get through TSA, do everything that you need to do, and people are really compassionate. When you're traveling with the baby, they're like, oh no, keep your shoes on, or oh no, you can keep your jacket on or you don't have to take your electronics out, so you kind of have like a pseudo TSA pre-check. If you have clear, even better, it makes traveling with the baby so much easier. We did clear when we were traveling To Senegal with our baby and it just made things so much better. So in that episode we'll talk about how to prep when you're traveling with the baby.

Speaker 1: 25:25

But really that was the last tidbit that I wanted to share, because I know this episode had a lot of like frustration and newness and trying to navigate emotions. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There are some perks to traveling with the baby as well, so I will end the episode on that again. I would like to urge everyone to Send their prayers and do us, to my friend and her family, the name, specifically to pray for al-injab and sitting yai. I Am praying that Allah forgives them for their sins and grants them the highest heavens. Janatul fidosi, and We'll end the episode on that note, because that's really what brought us all together here and what allowed me to muster up enough courage to get back into recording. It's been a heavy couple of weeks, so I hope that you guys enjoyed this episode and will engage with me through Instagram. Let me know your feedback, let me know your experiences, let me know your thoughts and with that I'll give you around a voodoo to the next episode. Thanks for listening you.