The Jeune Maman Podcast
The Jeune Maman Podcast is an audio-journey of the intricacies of Senegalese-American motherhood. Host Aissatou Guisse reflects on her own experiences and shares those of others around her, with the goal of sharing information, imparting wisdom with the help of guest speakers, dispelling myths, and much more!
The Jeune Maman Podcast
E20: Is it possible to live a peaceful life in a big family house? | Baabel TV Show Discussion
In this video, I'm having a lighthearted discussion with Kady Fall about popular Marodi TV show, Baabel.
You can watch Baabel on YouTube via https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqe0sSESmaQbLFdTExctQLA
Follow my guest on Instagram @__khadyfall !
Chapters:
0:00 Guest Intro
3:16 Topic Intro: Baabel
5:08 First Impressions
6:45 Living In A "Keurou Famille"
16:53 Xalil & Fa
26:10 Sadikh & His Wives
33:10 Awa Cheikh
43:42 Diodio Doesn't Want Kids
49:30 Overall Takeaways
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Hello, hello listeners, and welcome back to the Genma Maw podcast, where we talk about all things pregnancy, postpartum motherhood, tips and tricks and more from a Senegalese, american perspective. I'm your host, isitugise, and today I have a very, very, very special guest for you guys. For those of you who are listening, you don't see who I'm talking about. For those of you who are watching, you see exactly who I'm talking about, and if you've known me for a while or you've been following me on social media for a while, you know exactly who this guest is. So let me just go ahead and introduce her my friend and my very special sister, hadifah Hadifah, say hi to my guest.
Speaker 2:Hi guys, my name is Hadifah and I'm super super excited to be here with you guys and God.
Speaker 1:God jump.
Speaker 2:Oh, sorry, sorry not God.
Speaker 1:I never told you this was a.
Speaker 2:God episode. Yeah, but we love the Gods, I figure we just go.
Speaker 1:God, we do. Okay, well, so just a bit of background for people who have been following you for a while or have been following you. They've seen one or both of us on some story at some point or another. So this is my best friend, hadifah. We live together, we first moved to Atlanta together and we used to talk all the time about everything, and so, of course, life happens and you know you have to grow up and do adult things, she went off and got married and forgot me.
Speaker 2:Now she's married and she forgot me. She had a baby and extra forgot me.
Speaker 1:Okay, I don't have a rubato for that, but either way, you guys, okay, let's just, let's just. Can you be serious? People are going to be listening to this in their cars and they want serious content. I'm just so excited. I haven't been on here in so long, I know, I know. The last time we did a video together, people loved it because we talked about, like, the importance of moving out of your parents' house and being independent and, I think, even if you don't move out of your parents' house, just the fact of like being in the US as, like, first immigration sorry, like first generation it's important for you to find your footing and, just you know, be on your own and know how to do that.
Speaker 1:So that was a popular video, but we're back. We did another one, we did another.
Speaker 2:oh, that was funny it was.
Speaker 1:it was Bethan no no, no, it wasn't Bethan. It was top, like top five or top 10 worst fathers or worst husbands in Senegalese series. That was good. They were pretty bad. I remember. I should probably do another one because they updated it did, but all I remember from that was Papa Ju from Bethan. Is that from Bethan? Yes, he was bad because I told you he killed somebody. He was like I said he killed somebody else.
Speaker 2:And guys, I still haven't watched Bethan, even though everybody says so good, but I feel like it's been so long ago.
Speaker 1:It's a good show, but I feel like if you haven't watched it by now, yeah, sure, that's probably why I haven't started it, don't bother. Yes, I got. Well, speaking of TV shows, that's what we're here to talk about today. So, before we started recording, she's, like you, sent all your guests their questions before they know. I didn't send her any questions. We're doing this live.
Speaker 2:Do you see how she's trying to say it before me? Because I technically told her I was going to tell you guys where you started recording. I can't believe it. Why would you do that to me?
Speaker 1:No, I think you. Yeah, whatever. All right, that's how I go tell you my secrets, whatever. So today we are talking about Bob and Harry. I just have to say hold on.
Speaker 2:Can you tell them how long I told you to watch it? And that's what I'm about to say. Thank you.
Speaker 1:I swore off of Moroody Because Moroody, they be pissing me off. They bring on characters they never show again, never. They put on storylines they never follow through with and so, honestly, since Karma season finale, I never watched Moroody shows again. Yeah, karma.
Speaker 2:You didn't like Karma too well, I did not. I struggled with Karma. I just think that we get very invested in shows, especially being in the US, so it's very, very important that you keep our attention. We got a lot of things to do. So when you start wasting our time wasting our time and we clearly see anybody wrote no script and y'all just going off the back of the book, I don't want to see it.
Speaker 1:Me and I used to go do that here.
Speaker 2:I don't even sit on YouTube and watch that. You don't think they wrote a script, girl, at the end, the end of 2 plus 2 was not equaling 4.
Speaker 1:It was equaling 6. And more like negative 2. Because we're all the people they brought on all these people who were so excited to see them and they just didn't have them anymore.
Speaker 2:And then I'm sorry because at this point 2 is the end. I'm fully invested in Amelie and Majib and then she just cancels it. She cans the relationship.
Speaker 1:And then really just made me mad. But I was never team Amelie or Majib, so whatever, I thought it was a kid. Anyways, today we're talking about Babel and just a bit of background. I have heard about Babel and I said I wasn't going to watch it Because I swear off modernity, but in the back of my mind people kept saying Babel is a good show, babel is a good show. So I was like, damn, do I need to watch Babel? So here I am. I finally convinced her guys, I started watching Babel. That was so good.
Speaker 2:So hold on. Okay, so I've been telling you to watch Babel and you finally watched it. What do you think so far?
Speaker 1:That's my first question, oh my.
Speaker 2:God, we should do a show together always what up.
Speaker 1:So okay, first impressions. It's a beautifully made show. I think that they cast it well. Everybody looks Nianyo and I know that that's not a thing, right, because it's like, what does a Nianyo look like? But as a fellow Nianyo, everybody looks Nianyo. Yeah, dark skin, I don't know. They just look Nianyo. Are you being biased? Yes, I am, and that's why I didn't want to watch it. The first way is because I knew that it would trigger some things in me and I knew it wasn't a show that I was supposed to watch. My mom would say it was a good show, because that means she wants somebody to talk about it with. But I do think okay, overall impressions. I think it's a well made show. It's well thought out.
Speaker 1:I don't like that. It's no, no, no, I do like that. It's not cliche. It asks me to. That's my favorite part about it. Yes, it's not cliche. It's not that it's trying to put Nianyo on a pedestal, that they're perfect and all this stuff. It's like this is reality. At the end of the day, these are human beings. They're going to do human being things. Yeah, I do like that.
Speaker 2:And being in such a big household is just like the main thing is like I feel like they're always in competition with each other and the show does a great job with just like showing that.
Speaker 1:So that's actually my next question. Oh my God, I'm doing such a great job. Can we stop being in sync?
Speaker 2:And she did not seem to discuss this guy Living in a kudu for me.
Speaker 1:What are your take? What is your take on that?
Speaker 2:Well, from my own experience, I have no experience.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. Don't speak from your experience. Okay, you don't have experience, I don't, I don't have experience. Okay, so let's just talk about the first time you saw episode one, babel. Like, what is your take on the situation in Babel?
Speaker 2:Don't personalize it, so I don't like it. I don't think living in a kudu for me is a good idea Because of the show. It's so much that goes on. It's like every day is something else and I'm sorry. My biggest fear is just like having so many eyes on me at once and I feel like Fah coming in from France. That's exactly what happened to her. Yeah, and that's going to last a long time before a new wife come. But who going to give them the wife? Who going to give them?
Speaker 1:the drive, stop it. I have to stop you right here and say that for people who are listening or watching this episode, if you have not seen Babel, a lot of things we're going to say are not going to make sense because we're going to be talking about specific people and specific scenarios. So if you have not seen Babel, I can't tell you to go watch it. Then listen to it. I can go watch it, but it's a lot of episodes, right. But all I can tell you is to try to contextualize what we're saying. So we'll try to be as descriptive as possible, but if you haven't seen Babel, it's going to be hard to follow along with this conversation because we are speaking to our specific scenarios, the specific people. Like what she says, that who's going to get another wife? Is going to be Ibnucham? Probably not. If you don't know who Ibnucham is, that's not going to make sense to you. But I did what you like. Is Ibnucham really going to get married?
Speaker 2:Probably not, because what they did was remember that one episode where the girl showed up.
Speaker 1:Yes, she never showed up again, which I was hopeful that, oh, they're going to show that the odd one out, the black sheep of the family, can actually find love, and they never followed through with it. So it's like what's going on? But okay, but go back to Kudufami, right? So let's okay. For those of you who are listening or watching if you don't have context, the context is house with, like, the father, he has sons or daughters and or daughters, and then the sons bring their wives into the house. That's what's called Kudufami. That's like big family house. So in the show Babel you have Ibnucham, who is the head of household. He has his sons and their sons bring their wives into the house, and so all the wives, the co-wives, are living together. That's what's called Kudufami. So you're saying that that's not good, which I don't want to put you in that position to say like good or bad. I don't think it's black and white, I think it depends, but overall I would lean towards unfavorable.
Speaker 2:I think it's more so black and white than it is in the gray. You think so Because, I mean, this is the day in nature, it's the 21st century, like back in the day it's when your mommy you know, you don't think that's real. Yeah, but us, yeah, I mean that's true, we're like, we're independent as women, like, and it's just so much that goes on that we, I feel like when I started, don't have experience in it, so it's hard to like deal with it. I feel like that's what fire is going through. She has no experience in these things, so she like just is randomly in these situations. She has no idea what to do, like she wants to do good, but it's hard for her to.
Speaker 2:And that's what makes me so sad.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna be honest with you. Yeah, I don't think you should have came to the house.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you know what she wants to be a good wife, and she want to follow after. Because what does it?
Speaker 1:look like. So that's that. That's where I'm going to challenge you. Okay, what is the definition of a good wife? Is it that you have to do what your husband's family says, or that you have to do what your husband wants? And another layer on top of that is your husband the type to do what his family wants over what his wife wants? So here's my take on it. Okay, I think that it's noble that she wanted to try, that she wanted to come and live in the family house. She didn't want to separate her husband from his family. That's the end of the day. This is my thought. It might be unpopular, I think your nuclear family goes above your broader family, absolutely. So, for, like those of you who know what Babel is all about, I think Khalil has a greater responsibility to fight than his family, absolutely. He married her. Her parents gave her a way to him.
Speaker 2:Absolutely so. He has to protect her.
Speaker 1:He has to cover her Absolutely, he has to take care of her. Yes, so your family's happiness should come above her safety, because at this point she's not safe. She is not safe.
Speaker 2:And I feel like a lot. That's where a lot of people come like make a mistake. Yes, because you should see that he needs to be able to protect this person, like she has nobody in the house, so she hasn't, she only knows you. Let's just think about a scenario where the person comes into Ceci and Akir from it. Now, fashi, at least, was married two years, and then Kang. But imagine brand new, you probably don't know, you're in laws and you just moved into a house with them and they already say you don't know anybody till you live with them, and that goes for your husband, right, but just imagine the family, yes, and then you have it's not just the family, you have other families, because otherwise this is smart.
Speaker 1:I think it's too much all at once and I think if you don't have a man that is willing to step above, go above and beyond to protect you and speak out for you, because you, as a wife, it's going to be very hard Culturally, it's hard for you to speak up for yourself. If your husband is not willing to do that for you, you're going to get mistreated, absolutely. You're going to get mistreated all in the name of say say me.
Speaker 2:And at that point is it worth it? If my family, if my husband's family, is against me, and then my husband is not protecting me, why am I there?
Speaker 1:You answered the wrong person, because my whole answer is no, like I don't think that you. Ok, let me please take a step back, come on. I think that your overall family your father, your mother, your sisters and your brothers come second to your wife, because your wife is who you're creating a new family with. So this is who you are accountable to. When you go up to God and a lot like when you go up to Allah, he's going to ask you how did you manage your family? And I know a lot of people think that family is the broader family cousins, aunts, uncles no, your family is your husband, your wife, your kids and so on, and so on.
Speaker 1:So this is not to say like you should go into battle with your family to protect your spouse. Yeah, but your spouse come up. Is that bad to say?
Speaker 2:No, it's not bad to say, but as the person, as an individual, if you are the husband, I think it's very hard to differentiate whether your wife is slightly the problem or your family, because you want to make like you, you want to make everybody happy, yeah, and you want to see the good in everybody.
Speaker 1:OK, I understand that. I understand that, but I still don't think it's that hard to understand you as the person that you pick to be your wife. Now, that is another thing that I want to ask you about. Because sometimes you don't even pick your wife. So it's hard to protect somebody that you did not pick, it's hard to protect somebody that you don't love and it's hard to be there for somebody that you didn't pick. Yes, oh shit, yeah, she's not my favorite, I hate oh shit.
Speaker 1:I'm going to get to that in a second, but I think that's a good distinction to make. I think so too, the person that you marry. It has to be somebody that you will go to war for Absolutely. If not, your family is going to walk all over that person. You're not going to realize it.
Speaker 2:I always say I think I told you this other day. I always say, a person who used to be in love well, I'm going to say this in Walaf If you're going to be there for somebody, yes, you know what I'm saying I'm going to be there for somebody. So I'm going to be there for somebody, oh shit.
Speaker 1:I wish I had one. I have her as a bullet point right here you lose a pound.
Speaker 2:Ok, because I'm excited, you're not? I wish I had.
Speaker 1:Do your men know. But I think, ok, that's a good overall take on like could it for me? The husband has to be willing to protect the wife Absolutely, Could it for me? Metina is not easy, so you have to know what you're signing up for. So I think, far when she was signing up for could it for me, she really thought it was going to be like easy peasy.
Speaker 1:She looked at all the pros, the pros, and never looked at the cons. So if there's a lot of men who are bringing their otherwise, so then I would you pet your wife If you're going to have a lot of co-wives and co-wives in this sense doesn't mean your husband's wife, it means your husband's brother's wife. Yeah, those are your co-wives. So would you pet your wife If you are not ready and you don't have thick skin? It's going to be a hard uphill climb for you to deal with those people?
Speaker 2:I don't think so too.
Speaker 1:Unless they're just very, very nice, which is not always the case, I guess, for me.
Speaker 2:I didn't really realize that wives of your siblings are in such a competition with each other.
Speaker 1:Oh, how come would you pet your wife?
Speaker 2:Well, because I feel like OK. So I guess I'm naive to it and I didn't grow up in that kind of household and I've only seen it in the show. But for me it's like I'm not in competition with you. As somebody else's wife I feel like second to a woodriller. Then maybe we might have a competition.
Speaker 1:But you could do, would you pet your great. Sometimes it's worse than regular woodriller, and that's what's crazy to me. Sometimes your husband's brother's wives are more in competition with you than your own husband's second wife or third wife or fourth wife. It's crazy, but you know what? Yeah.
Speaker 2:We could go on a soapbox about that, so we want to do that.
Speaker 1:The next thing I want to ask you about is Khalid and Fah. We kind of talked about a little bit that he does protector in the house, but how do you feel about the relationship in general?
Speaker 2:I love the relationship. I love the fact that they had two years under they built before they came into Fahm's good family. But I don't like how the story plays out. It's at the very beginning, it was great. But I think one of my biggest pet peeves is when you hear something about someone and you don't go check and you just believe that thing and then you go off there and I feel like that is where Khalid is going and if he keeps going that way, he's going to lose his wife and he's going to regret it. But do you think?
Speaker 1:that's a human reaction or just a flaw.
Speaker 2:But I feel like as we grow up, you learn to get out of that that's true.
Speaker 1:I think that's one of the consequences of being in a kudu for me. I know it's the last point we talked about, but I'm telling you, sometimes it's like when you're surrounded by so many opinions and so many of them let's say, all the opinions around you are saying one thing, and then your wife is saying something different You're more likely to believe the masses.
Speaker 2:It's like who's the common denominator here?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's a good one, that is a good one, all right. Moving on so I'm not going to say on that one too long I want to ask you about a specific scene that happened in the series. So let's think back to when Khalid and Fahm had to go to the courthouse to sign like legally get married. So they had gotten religiously married, which, by the way, why is it two years later that they're getting legally married? Well, because they've been in France, I mean in Nipsey, anyways. So two years later, almost three years, because the next episode they're celebrating the third year anniversary.
Speaker 1:But anyways, let's say, like they're in the courthouse, the family of Khalid is there, as far as we know, I think one person of Fahs is there, but they're getting legally married and they have to sign monogamy or polygamy, for those of you listening or watching. Monogamy is when the man signs that he's going to be with one wife. Polygamy is when he is signing that he can take on up to second sorry, two, three or four wives. So that's polygamy, poly or mono. How do you feel about that scene?
Speaker 2:I think well, ok, I'm thinking, I know how Senegal works. You only need four, ten wives, you only four. What's the word I'm looking for?
Speaker 1:Witnesses.
Speaker 2:Witnesses. So they have too many witnesses and I feel like the more people that come, it's a lot of opinions and I feel like that's probably something they should have talked about behind closed doors and came out and just did it with their four witnesses. You start adding people, your brothers, their wives. They have nothing to do with this.
Speaker 1:Like, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:All these opinions are influenced. Nothing like this will happen to Halif, because he was going to sign monogamy but all his family was trying to black, tell him polygamy and five. Being a good wife, she couldn't say no, you have to sign monogamy. Monogamy, yes. So it is what it is, but I think what every relationship is different. I mean a religion does. Let us do it. I used to think you said you have a say in nonsense. I said, hey, so you start talking. Tell me, come on, give me your opinion, I'm ready.
Speaker 1:Whew, I agree with you that. Well, I don't think it's a problem that the people were there. I think it's a problem that all these people had opinions.
Speaker 2:But people equal opinions.
Speaker 1:I know, but I think, going back to the point that we made earlier about the fact that Fah and Halil have been married for over two years, why have you all not discussed this?
Speaker 2:They have they did, I think so. They may seem like they were going to sign monogamy.
Speaker 1:So then is Fah being hypocrite and just saying jump out and then be chun. See a little sudden Listen.
Speaker 2:She had no choice why? Because right then and there she would have been crucified and she would have made him sign monogamy.
Speaker 1:But there were so many other scenarios before that that she could have been crucified that she chose to be the independent opinionated. You know what I'm saying? There were other instances in the house where she stood up for herself. In this instance, she chose to appease the people who came to the ceremony. That's all fine and dandy my whole opinion. You're asking for my opinion, right?
Speaker 2:I yeah, I got a question for you.
Speaker 1:What's the question Now? Go ahead and keep going, Because this one is good.
Speaker 1:What I'm saying is you have all these people come to the ceremony. The ceremony people are asking your husband now what is he going to sign? Polygamy or monogamy? Why don't you be quiet? No pill, yes, let him. Yes, let the choice come from him. Right, you don't have to try to say like I'm enough for you, I know you will never do it. Therefore, go ahead and sign Pulligame, because I know I'm sure of myself and I know this would never happen. Just let me, just Nothing.
Speaker 2:Let him Don't put that into the atmosphere.
Speaker 1:Don't be overconfident, because pride and arrogance is not good. But life is like I didn't know if I could do that. You never know.
Speaker 2:So I just don't like the fact that she, which is exactly what's happening right now, because this man signed Pulligame.
Speaker 1:So I don't like the fact that she took it upon herself to reassure him that's gonna be fine, no matter what, because no, it wouldn't have. Number two none of these people needed to have that much of an opinion. Everybody has something to say and at the end of the day, I feel like number one. Y'all should have talked about it way before Number two. When the person said, go ahead and sign Khalil, he should have just signed. Nobody needed to know what he signed.
Speaker 2:But they made the.
Speaker 1:Thing to the point where he had to. Just he felt like if I signed Pulligame, these people are gonna look at me as less than that. She took it upon himself, to which I do appreciate that, the fact that I do appreciate the fact that she uplifted her husband in that moment, because she did say like she knew that him signing Munugami would have been little him. But then we have to talk about why. Why is it that a man who decides I'm gonna sign Munugami is so embarrassing? Why is it so bad?
Speaker 2:Well, I think and they say this in the episode it's just like we're Muslim and Y'all don't mind that I'm not. So it's like who are we to say? No, you're not gonna get it, for what, even though?
Speaker 1:you're allowed. I agree with that. I agree with that. The comeback that I have for that is there are a lot of women who did sign Pulligame with their husbands and then they thought that he would never do it and then, when he did do it, they had a problem with it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, so my whole thing is she should have just kept quiet, even if he signed Pulligame he was, he was probably gonna sign Pulligame. Let's be honest, his brothers were all there, the macho energy was heavy in the room. He was probably always gonna sign Pulligame. But if he was gonna sign Pulligame, that should have just come from him being like this is me, and then they could go home, maybe argue about it for a couple. You know, you feel like she shouldn't have said nothing I don't think she should have said anything.
Speaker 2:Because I don't, I don't, I'm saying something.
Speaker 1:What does that do? It's pompous, it's arrogant, it's like I trust myself. I know you would never do it. Therefore, go ahead and sign. It's like Baby girl, relax, take the circumstances down. He's probably gonna sign Pulligame anyways. But I don't think that she had to take on all that responsibility Because by her giving that speech that she did and basically put it out in the air that if he does get a second wife it's her fault, because what she said was, oh, that she's not allowed to leave.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, listen to me. You said you wanted it.
Speaker 1:Listen to what I'm saying. She said I'm enough for a first, second, third and fourth. You don't need another wife. So go ahead and sign for another wife, because I know I will not fail my mission. So anytime that he decides to go and get another wife, it's gonna come off as she didn't do her job. I don't like that. I can see that.
Speaker 2:I don't like that. Yeah, there's a situation right there. I don't really like to talk about the Pulligame and my Gummy thing. I hate talking about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I hate talking about it Because we get into like the religious side of it, yeah, and it makes you feel bad even though you know you don't want that.
Speaker 2:But it's like oh, because my religion is set, so it's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a cash 22. You really can't win.
Speaker 2:Yeah, damn I just want to say you can't love two people at once. Got it Okay, agree.
Speaker 1:So now I want to talk about Sadi and his wives. So he has the first wife. For those of you who have no context, just so you can follow along with the conversation, he has a first wife that he married, who is his family, so probably a cousin? Yes, definitely. He did it out of Domo by Janala. Okay, yeah, so he married his aunt's daughter, if you're listening and you're like that's first cousins. Yes, we do that. Thank you very much. Let's move on. He married his first wife out of obligation. We can say yes, and then a couple years later not a couple years like many, many years later, because he has kids that are teenagers and he said he.
Speaker 2:He has some one episode. He said he was 18.
Speaker 1:Yes, he married her at 18. So he was young, influenced, okay, coerced, whatever you want to look at it, as years later he marries his second wife, who he loves. That's that's his, that's his kind of locati. What is it? Tomato locati, tomato locati. That's his, his, that's his person. The first wife don't mean nothing compared to the second wife, yeah, so how do you feel about that?
Speaker 2:I have several opinions. My first opinion is well, I guess I can't really say this, because I was going to say, as a grown-ass man Sorry you can say that as a grown man, you should be able to pick your own wife, granddad he was only 18. Okay, I like that you think 18 is grown, he wasn't a man. Okay, yes, technically Okay. Another thing is for him I understand. Listen, let me tell you I'm this kind of person who can see both sides. So I see both sides.
Speaker 1:I understand, that's all right now. No, no, I need you to take a stance right now. Okay, how do I feel? Yes, it's black or white. How do you feel about Sunday marrying a first wife out of obligation, mistreating her, and then marrying a second wife that he loves dearly and then mistreating the first wife on top of like? How do you feel about that? Don't be, don't be two sides to this. I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't like it. I don't like it, okay, because I feel like when somebody clearly said what home I like I and then on top of that that's your family you should not be able to talk to that person like you know what I'm saying and that's what he does.
Speaker 2:So I wish I would have taken it, but I feel like she feels like she can't say nothing or do anything because she's family, first cousin. Don't move by them. No, I'm just saying I'm sorry. I hate to be the person that say yes or no, but I really am both sides, I see both sides.
Speaker 1:I see why. No, I do too. I'm just messing with you, but I do too.
Speaker 2:I would see why he would get a second wife or someone he actually love, because we said I said this earlier Because he don't like her. Okay, yes, georgia, typical second wife. You know messy, ruben, messy, yeah, she real messy, such I all these things. And I think because she's so messy and petty, it makes him look at our chef like you haven't been doing not a good job ever since. The opposite you get. I'm saying she called Georgia cause their girl mad, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Say oh yeah, we have a spotlight on our chef, so let's just, let's just pick up when you buy. That Is this where our chef start. No, no, no, because I'm ready. I still have to talk about Sadie in his wife. Okay, go ahead. I think then I think what you think. Okay, I think the whole situation is so messed up. I think that Sadie at 18. I cannot fault him for having married Alicia.
Speaker 2:And if you watch the show you know how sad it is. He is very in tune with his culture. He loves it. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:So I think this goes back to something we were talking about earlier with like Kuru Fami. So we talked about like the overall form of Kuru Fami, but like the essence of it is like like they do what he says, they do what they do, what they do, what they do, what they do Because they do what they do. But then am I married to your son, am I married to you? No, no, no. But that's what I'm trying to say. Hadifat is like you cannot have two kings and within one kingdom.
Speaker 2:That's why I need to separate everybody, to disperse everybody, to have it all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know that in our culture we love to do like the big family house and everything, but in my opinion, you cannot have a big family house with the head of household, his sons and their, their wives, because at the end of the day, each of his sons, their families, are individual families. What I want from my kids is not what you want for your kids. If we were sisters or if our husbands were brothers, we don't have the same vision of life, so I cannot say that our husbands respond or like are accountable to their father and they mean you are going to get along all the time Because your kids what you want for your kids and what I want for my kids is going to be different.
Speaker 1:So I just don't like the form of how we do it. I think you can still have, like the Kili Ftif, the authority, the respect and the love without us all living under the same roof. So I just wish they would. I wish they would have explored that a little bit more, where it's like Benjuga is still the head of the house, like the head of the family, but the sons have the individuality that they needed for their own families, because they're all so different. They are all so different.
Speaker 1:Why do we all have to live under the same roof? I?
Speaker 2:don't know, I'm still a kid. I don't, I don't, I don't really like that, and I think I understand being near family, but you live near family and not live under the same roof because there's no privacy Like you can live afar from family and still have love, absolutely.
Speaker 1:I think people feel like you have to be on top of one another because of that control aspect of let me see what your wife is doing, let me see what you're doing for your wife, let me see what the you know. There's that aspect of like wanting to know everything and control everything. But in this day and age, if you want to have a peaceful life, you need to separate people. Yes, you do. Personalities are different, people are different, people think different, people want different things, and so you just yeah. No, you can't have people living all in the same house and have harmony.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, I was sure. No, no, because I was here after a special highlight. I was here. I'm weak, let's go ahead and talk about that. I was here, yes you go first.
Speaker 2:You should love her so much I was here.
Speaker 1:I think she's a hypocrite. Explain more. I think a lot of there's a lot of our chefs in the world.
Speaker 2:I don't want to just, I don't want to just say Senegal?
Speaker 1:Absolutely, because I seem like I'm attacking my own culture, but I think there's a lot of our chefs in the world and there's a lot of our chefs in Senegal. I think what happens is you know what your living is BS you know you're being mistreated, you know you're not getting a fair cut and a fair chance at life, but you wanna be seen as a good person.
Speaker 2:You wanna be seen, or actually just naturally a good person?
Speaker 1:No, Okay, I think if I was a good person she wouldn't let Nubbu gay put in Fah's food and not say nothing about it, because everybody had to eat that food.
Speaker 2:Yeah and she sat there. If there was some poisonous, everybody would have died. And you're right. She sat there and was not about to eat, but was watching people eat.
Speaker 1:And then she said let me leave. How would you get people out of your academic matrimonial? So you can't just be understand. This is a bad thing. Yeah, you watch things happen in the house without saying anything. You cannot be a good person and do those things. She wants to be seen as a good person, as a munkat, as somebody who is willing to endure, as a munkat.
Speaker 2:I will agree on that, but I feel like, oh, shea, her problem is she. I think the number one thing that you can do wrong is be an a relationship and not know yourself, okay, and not know your strength, and just not. And when you get married young I was about to say. Unfortunately in our culture, like your, marriage is your life.
Speaker 1:I was about to say, if I can give, if I can give Sadiya grace for getting married at 18, maybe I should give her grace through to.
Speaker 2:If Sadiya was 18, she probably was younger, honestly 16, 17. They don't really say how old she is. They don't. But.
Speaker 1:Probably still are 18.
Speaker 2:And I don't like to say that somebody's voiceless, but she literally has no voice. Nawa Gay, she came into, she could come in and do all these things, but I feel like she feel like she can't, because don't move by, dina Sadiha, it's always gonna come back to the family. See mokul, I don't know if this is a human. Yeah, but not real. Yeah, see mokul, you know, honestly, I'm not really sure what the percentage is of how many of them actually work, because I feel like a lot of them don't work.
Speaker 1:But I also feel like work is a relative word. Being together after 50 years in misery, that's not success. No, my book goes above a man, no, no, it's like. Just because you've been married for a long time doesn't mean you were successful in that marriage. Well, are you not? Our culture, our culture, uses longevity. They say that they've been married forever. Da, da, da da. So that means it. I mean just okay.
Speaker 1:But do you think our chef's marriage even though people on the outside might? Because, let's think about it this way when she gives birth he probably does a really good agenda for her, so people probably think she's living her best life she is miserable. She is miserable. People on the outside would look at the fact that she's been married for 15, 20 years and they were like that's a good marriage. It's not.
Speaker 2:But here's the thing you also should not judge. You don't know what's happening behind closed doors. For who? Just, in general, outside people. But what's the matter? Don't just see people in a relationship in their pictures and their Instagram and think, oh my God, they're having the best relationship ever. You don't know what's going on behind that camera, those closed doors, anything.
Speaker 1:But for our chef, we know she's miserable. She is miserable, can't follow who Look at, look at, look at Leila. She's like she's living her best life. They find you. You can't tell them. You're like yeah, I think I understand what you're saying and I agree you cannot over generalize, but I think we can. We can say that for a lot of marriages if you marry out of obligation, you're most likely not happy.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely.
Speaker 1:I think the only person, the only people and this is gonna be bad if I say like Indians have a high success rate, and if you're watching this show, I'm putting success in quotes because they're still together. But if we're measuring happiness, you cannot measure happiness based off of longevity. Being together for a long time does not mean you're happy Absolutely. So that's what I have to say about our chef. I also think she's naqufada. She has no backbones. She just doesn't speak, like she doesn't have a voice, and she's gone to the point where Sadiq, her husband, doesn't respect her. He don't respect her at all. Her kids barely respect her. Nobody in the house respects her.
Speaker 2:She's just there she's like a bump on the log.
Speaker 1:I wasn't gonna say that yes, pretty much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, our chef. Is it my turn? Yes, I think our chef is naqufada. Okay, because I feel like, just as an individual you need to, nobody should ever disrespect you like that. I feel like my husband should not disrespect me like that. I feel like my family, your family should not disrespect me like that. Kids or anybody, nobody. You give some little drums while I'm with my father. Can you say that again? Please tell me.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you the truth, wife. It's true, come on now. Yeah, it's true.
Speaker 2:I don't know something I was gonna say earlier. I completely forgot. But our chef has just, our chef has a problem now?
Speaker 1:Now our chef. Her problem is she wants to maintain this image, so bad that she's willing to do it at the expense of her dignity.
Speaker 2:Like but how can you really say that? What if that's just the kind of person she is?
Speaker 1:I see this people who are just very naqufada people, and that's not a naqufada person. I don't think nice equals naqufada. I don't. You're a nice person, you're not naqufada, I'm a nice person, I'm not naqufada. Now, our boundaries may be different. I think some people will tolerate less than others, absolutely. But man, what are her boundaries? The bed maybe a little bit. I'm not naqufada, I'm very naqufada.
Speaker 2:I'm telling you the truth, I'm not naqufada, I'm just naqufada. Can we just talk about that scene where she came in and her sexy in the best section she could do?
Speaker 1:I cannot talk about that, and that's just the section she could do. No, it's not.
Speaker 2:Yes, it is, yes, it is.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But back in the day, maybe that's what sex is about.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, no, no, no no.
Speaker 1:You know why I say that? Because when you get married in Senegalese culture, when you get married, they give you a basket. The basket got a lot more sexy things in there than what I was she had on. I was she had in there. I was she had in there. I was she had in there. I was she had in there.
Speaker 2:Yo, she walked in with the fat on and she kept.
Speaker 1:No, I was she had in there, Honestly the worst part was the Yimbaxulet.
Speaker 2:Where's the Yimbaxulet?
Speaker 1:The problem is not the Yimbaxulet it gotta be, I was. She had decided to still marry the legend.
Speaker 2:What do I do? But that can honestly be sex, because, okay, let's talk about your other favorite character. You don't let me finish, but what's?
Speaker 1:your other favorite character? No, what I'm saying is like I know what you're getting at. If somebody saw the bottle from the other scene, when she will put it on it will be sexy, but I was. She had more hair. You know what I was. She had more hair. She was very, very sexy. She don't have no, no no, what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2:You said that. Can you hear me when I say something like that? I'm sorry, lovey? You said that I'm sorry. That's not funny, because that's actually so embarrassing Like I felt.
Speaker 1:So bad for her.
Speaker 2:He literally belittled her.
Speaker 1:He's reposed by her.
Speaker 2:He said he said then he got mad. When she said Georgia's name, she said no, no, no.
Speaker 1:She said Georgia's name is Georgia. She said I'm not going to say Georgia's name.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, that was funny.
Speaker 1:He literally hates her yeah.
Speaker 2:But okay, so let's talk about this. At what point do you just divorce the person 10 years ago, like seriously? But he's so religious and just so into his culture who.
Speaker 1:Sabir? No, no, no. I don't want you to say that I'm so mad. You just said that Of what? If Sabir was religious, if Sabir respected his religion, he would not know how to know what she does. So here's my problem. People want a certain amount of respect, a certain amount of obedience, a certain amount of adoration, and they do not put their part in. Sabir cannot demand anything from Awesheikh because Sabir does not treat Awesheikh right. You know what I'm saying? No, I do understand that you cannot have the horse before the carriage. Yes, he is not a good husband.
Speaker 2:Therefore, she cannot be a good wife, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:It's like I can understand. Awesheikh could probably come out butt naked. He doesn't care because he is not a good husband. He doesn't see any of that.
Speaker 2:Because he is not a good husband, because he just never loved a girl.
Speaker 1:Yes, so it goes back to I can say that I can confidently say it's because he doesn't love her. Yeah, but then why do you have two kids with her? That's another problem that I have. It's like is it the chicken or the eggs? Because why would he? Because they know how they are. I know, at 18, you were young, yes, but at some point we cannot absolve him of all responsibility.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe he felt like I'm the one better. I mean what you want to do. You marry to the person that just never fought in K Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But you know, the problem is, what is the last day?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Okay, next topic, and this actually is directly tied to the objective of the podcast Jojo not wanting kids either right away or at all, because we don't know yet. Right, she's taking birth control, her husband. So, jojo for those who are listening or watching, jojo is the second wife of Sadiq, who we were just cussing out because I was here, but Sadiq is one of the brothers in the house. He has two wives. He doesn't love the first one. He has a second one that he claims to love and she is taking. She does not live in a household. Yeah, she doesn't live in a household, but she's taking birth control pills and he wants her to stop because his reasoning is if you love me and I love you, why are we not having kids after two or three years of marriage? Her reasoning is what Do you think she doesn't want kids? I just don't. I don't think she wants kids at all. How do you feel about that? Because that's directly tied to Jinma Wang podcast.
Speaker 2:I think everybody's entitled to their own opinion. Okay, because let's just talk about this. Having a child is a lot and a lot of people cannot deal with it. It takes a lot. It takes up all of your energy. Some people just don't want that. They'd rather be that rich auntie that come pick up your kid and not have to take care of a person 24 hours, 365 days a week. That's a lot to ask in a person.
Speaker 1:Now granted.
Speaker 2:I think you should have that conversation before you get married, because if we don't agree if you want a baby and I don't want a baby we should not get married because we have it's going to get to a point where I'm going to want one really, really bad, and you're going to still say no, I'm going to resent you, You're going to resent me for wanting something, wanting to change me. It doesn't really work like that. But I think if you don't want kids, you don't want kids. I've seen them. I've seen people who got a lot of kids that can't take care of them, because as a teacher, I feel like I can see both sides because I've seen terrible parents and I've also seen good parents, and I've also seen people just like why did you have a kid, you know?
Speaker 2:And so you're bringing that person into this world and you cannot take care of them, you're neglecting them, you're abusing them. You might as well not have that kid, you know. Yeah, there's a lot of kids that are being mistreated out there. Their parents don't want them. That's very, very true and that's a terrible feeling to feel.
Speaker 1:That's true. I feel like for for for JoJo and our culture. For her to verbalize it is so crazy. Yes, I think you either have kids sorry women who want kids and have kids, or you have women who want kids and don't have kids. You never have anything other than those two. So when you have somebody like JoJo who says I'm well, she doesn't know she's capable of having kids yet because she's never had one. But for her to be taking birth control and to say that I'm not ready, even that is like what. Yeah, after two, three years, one year is a long time.
Speaker 1:In technically culture. You know that on planning they do not.
Speaker 1:So for her to be taking birth control and to verbalize that she's not ready to be a mom. Yet I love that she says I'm not ready to be a mom and I'm not ready to have kids Because she's not putting the burden on the kid. I don't want to have a kid because then it makes me like the kid is a problem. She's just saying she's recognizing I'm not ready to be a mom and let's be honest, there's a lot of people who are not ready to be moms Absolutely and that will go in that same series is not ready to be a mom because we just think it's the form of having a baby. But there's a lot that goes into it.
Speaker 2:You have to, like you literally are raising this person to be out there in the world. So you're directly responsible, how responsible of who they become.
Speaker 1:Yes, but I will say, I will say so given that and this is controversial Because there are people who are in love and don't want kids but I will say, in our culture, in our culture, senegalese culture, to marry the man you love and for him to love you back, you want to have kids. So I think it's like a dicey situation for her to have been with this man for two, three years and to still not want to get pregnant. Does she love him? Probably not, probably not, probably not.
Speaker 2:And what you just said I feel like I can personally connect to, because, as a child I don't know if I should tell you this, but anyways, like in my earlier life, I used to say I don't want kids. That's fair to say. It is fair to say because I didn't think I could do it. But now that I'm married, I'm in love, I'm ready to have my first kids.
Speaker 1:I think it's like you and that's not. It's not any shade to people who are married to the love of their lives and still don't want kids. It's not any shade to them? Yeah, absolutely. But it's like if you are in that position where you're married to the love of your life, some part of you processes the fact that you could have a baby and it will be the best time of your life.
Speaker 2:Well, this is my thing. What does Sadik do if Georgia can't have kids? Because you're saying oh, we're in love, we should have kids. But what if she cannot have kids? What happens? Are you going?
Speaker 1:to get a third wife. I think Sadik's real character will come out that Sadik married the first wife that he wasn't in love with. He married his second wife as social revenge and if she cannot give him what she wants, she will get a rude awakening that this man is not as good as she thinks he is. Absolutely, because any man that's his first wife like that. He's not a good man. So she's going to get hers too. She's not going to want to have kids. He's going to go marry a third wife. Oh, it felt bad for Georgia. Oh right that was funny.
Speaker 2:All right, that was funny.
Speaker 1:Overall takeaways of Babel, yes, babel.
Speaker 2:I'm excited to see where it goes from here. I'm excited to see what happens with Leila. I'm excited to see what this whole situation will fight between the whole family thinking about the sitting to and all that. And I'm excited to see just. I think the show evolved because, let me tell you something about Senegalese shows they start off really, really good and then they get really, really bad.
Speaker 1:This is why I swore off motority for so long, because motority likes to build up a good show and then just drop the ball right at the last minute. Absolutely. But I'm excited for this one too.
Speaker 2:Me too, with 21 episodes in and so far they haven't let us down and I think a lot of people actually really like that show and we know the person who is the creator of the show or whatever, so I'm excited to kind of see where it goes.
Speaker 1:I have words if this doesn't go well.
Speaker 2:What you gonna say.
Speaker 1:No, because Karma really messed me up, the fact that there was just a lot of things morally that I had a problem with. Logistically that I had a problem with, like Karma, you and I have a very long story of how complicated history. But I think Babel, because for so long it's been out for two months and I refuse to watch it. You do, but now you're all like you love it. That's what I'm getting to. Yeah, if this doesn't end well, I'm coming for you. What Me? What me? Because I swore off motority and I'm also a genuine Harifa. So when I first heard about the show, I was like this is gonna trigger me, this is gonna raise some things out of me. I do like that. It's not cliche, it's not trying to put us on a pedestal. We are human, just like everybody else, which is shocker People in Senegal really did.
Speaker 1:Did they think Nyaya was different? Well, we do the same things everybody else does. Is it really that?
Speaker 2:bad, though Honestly, it seems like it works. What? Yeah, they're gonna go like Nyaya and you're gonna worst, yet I'm just saying, based off the show, it looks like you worst Because the things that they care about Harifa and Karma.
Speaker 1:They were killing people. You never talked about those people and now, by the way, they put salt in people's food and you think that's worse. Yes, and you keep it. That is the end of this episode.
Speaker 2:You're the only one who have a thing. I'm just saying, man. I just think like too much is too much. What is too much, though? Good for me, my bad, sorry. This is not against all the yeah. I'm sorry Because she's gonna try to put me against y'all, and that's just not the thing. If this is the way your household is ran, this is messed up. You gotta think about mental health. I guess Senegal don't believe in mental health they do.
Speaker 1:It's just not why it's spread. It's not on a big screen like we think it should be. I'm very offended by everything.
Speaker 2:I'm very offended, are you? That's not normal, shadi, the things that they're doing.
Speaker 1:Yes, this is lukewarm compared to what some families are doing. You haven't got Senegal yet, okay, so Now I'm gonna get over here.
Speaker 2:I ain't got to deal with that at all. Yeah, then you're gonna get. Yeah, then you have a problem.
Speaker 1:Senegal, you're gonna have a whole yeah, maybe, but I think it does speak to the human aspect of people. Nye nyeo geol, it does not matter, people are human. I think that's the biggest takeaway for me. It could be called Babel, it could be called Gaolo, it could be called whatever. It does not matter. People are human. There are human emotions that are being evoked in people.
Speaker 2:I do agree with that. Yeah, I do agree with that.
Speaker 1:I think, to bring your new wife into a family home. It doesn't matter who you are. You need to protect that person Black, white, haitian yes, you need to protect that person. There's gonna be drama. You got to prepare yourself, brace yourself and let's go. So I think that's my biggest takeaway.
Speaker 2:If I was honey, I would have got that apartment I would have got that apartment. I would have encouraged him to get that apartment. I'm thinking, I'm thinking, listen, I'm trying to, you know, but here's the thing, though, you know, when you're freshly married, you're just excited about all these things, so you're just like excited about adventure. You don't really listen to people as well when they tell you this is not right, it's not wrong.
Speaker 1:But I think this is a good, good ending point for the episode. I've been married, coming up on three years, six months, so I'm in it, you well. Cupcake phase, I'm just like scratching the surface.
Speaker 1:I think this is a good point for us to tell our listeners, especially the ladies start something, you can finish. We'll come out and say don't be over here trying to be super young. Don't be here trying to be super like, agreeable to the point where you agree to things that you know you cannot uphold, and also don't be too positive. Life gets hard, things get hard, people change and marriage is hard. Marriage is not easy. Don't sit here thinking that how it starts, which are both on vacation, not working, no pressure, no, no, no, no, nothing. It's how it's going to continue for life. When y'all start living together, you start working, you start working. You have other obligations, he has other commitments. Then that's when things start getting real. Yeah, so I think that's just a good takeaway for people to be like. Okay for Fabinto and for for Khalil. They're in the cupcake phase In the very beginning, still two years.
Speaker 1:No, no, but for the beginning, because even for the two years they were still living together and now they have a new experience of living in the family. So for a while they've been in the cupcake phase of not really knowing what the marriage would look like, because they've been in transition. Is this the first thing that challenged their marriage? This is, this is probably the first thing that they challenge your marriage. Yeah, it is, and so, yeah, that's mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, guys, that's.
Speaker 1:Bob, as we had to watch that.
Speaker 2:Go watch it from your own opinion, come back, let's talk about it.
Speaker 1:Yes, I agree, that was cute. You're right there. Thank you Bye.
